Goal Setting for Teens

What are good rules and rewards for teenagers? Why do we bother putting rules into place? Limits and guidelines during adolescence are an important part of getting the budding adult ready to leave home. During this preparation time, keeping focused on the end result (a successful adult) is important. When presenting and negotiating rules with your adolescent, begin by exploring the potential results of successfully following guidelines. Here’s what your list might look like:

Do all of the above and you’ve achieved INDEPENDENCE and maturity! Clearly all of these skills do not have to be accomplished for an adolescent to move away from home and succeed, but the majority of parents that I work with want nothing more than to raise a well-balanced and independent child. In the meantime, however, parents have to set rules that slowly but surely move the child toward independence. Rule categories might include: family time, academic expectations, use of electronics, household responsibilities, personal responsibilities, financial responsibilities, social limits, mind and body responsibilities, community responsibilities. Here’s what the rules might look like for a 13-15 year old. Rules: the following are our expectations to help guide you toward adulthood.

As the adolescent reaches 16-18 years of age, the rules change depending on your child’s level of maturity. Teenagers need continued guidance, like the rules offered above, but others need more freedom in order to exert their own judgment. I recommend adding a curfew for adolescents 16 years old and above. Allowing for more freedom at this age – allowing your children to make more choices, even some controversial ones – allows them the freedom to fail while still under your protective roof. Keep in mind that 18 is just around the corner. Learning important life lessons in your teens while living at home provides a safe environment in which growth can take place.