Goal Setting for Teens

Is this an epidemic fuelled by parents?Is life too easy?

Life is so easy for too many children; they don’t know what it means to work hard to acquire their desires. They ask for and are given just about everything they want far too easily. We are in a generation of excess. They want it all, and they want it now!Watch this with your teenagers

Take as little as 5 minutes to watch this YouTube “Teenage Affluenza” video by World Vision with your teenager. The video does a great job juxtaposing the problems of young people in a rich country vs. the monumental difficulties young people in poor countries face, but in a sarcastic way that isn’t too overbearing or preachy.Results of over indulgence

Some psychologists say that parents who overindulge their kids may be setting them up for future anxiety and depression. Recent studies show that kids who were given too much too soon often have difficulty coping with life’s disappointments as adults. They have a distorted sense of entitlement that gets in the way of successful relationships at home and in the future – the workplace.What the experts say

Experts also warn that parents are spoiling their kids; not just with material things, but by failing to set limits, not requiring that chores be done on a regular basis, not making the child wait or earn money for items they want, and smoothing away all the child’s frustrations in order to keep them happy, no matter what. According to experts, this type of parenting can lead to lack of motivation, low self-esteem and irresponsible behaviour.What happens when you don’t say no

Parent’s who can’t say no is an unexpected legacy of the affluent 90’s. This generation of parent has always been driven to give their teen every advantage. Now a growing number of psychologists, educators, and parents have come to the realisation that all this overindulging is producing lazy, self-involved, and irresponsible teenagers that are prone to drop out of school, continue to live with their parents into their mid to late twenties and beyond, and may develop a dependency on drugs and alcohol.Be their parent

What children need most at this time is for parents to be a parent; not their best friend. Today’s parents put in more hours on the job; at the end of the work week it’s tempting to give in to the guilt for not spending quality time with their kids, or to buy peace with a “yes.” Overindulged children often have lower self-esteem, a direct contradiction to what most overindulgent parents are trying to achieve with their coddling, Instead of having a sense of self- confidence they have a sense of knowing that their parents will take care of things for them.Saying No

According to psychologists parents need to find is a balance between the advantages of an affluent society and the critical life lessons that come from waiting, saving, and working hard to achieve goals. Don’t confuse permissiveness with love. In your quest to keep your child happy, you may forget to impart the ethics and values you really want to teach.The Marketing Phenomenon

Susan Linn, an instructor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, believes most parents are doing their best in the struggle against what she calls a marketing maelstrom. Corporate America is largely to blame for our overindulged society, she said. “Parents and children are living in a commercially driven culture that glorifies conspicuous consumption, and that’s harmful,” said Linn, author of Consuming Kids: The Hostile Takeover of Childhood “Children are just inundated with very sophisticated marketing messages by companies that encourage them to nag their parents (to buy them things).”Those messages persuade parents and kids they can’t be happy without certain brands or products, she said. “People are buying into that belief that what makes a child happy is buying them things,” Linn said. “But the research tells us that things don’t make us happy.”Remind yourself and your children: The best things in life aren’t things!

As September quickly approaches, it is important to get your teenagers ready for their final year at high school.  But getting them ready isn’t simply about purchasing school supplies or setting up study schedules.  It is about creating a mindset for success, preparing for university, living in the moment and dealing with a highly emotional growth period.

From an educational point of view, this year, getting into university may be easier than ever.  Many colleges, including Douglas College, Kwantlen College and many others in the Province of British Columbia, will actually become credited universities this year.  It is an exciting time for education.  Students are no longer slaves to the concept of university, and have some fantastic options to get the degrees they are looking for. Community colleges in the lower mainland are particularly fantastic and offer incredible programs at a fraction of the cost of SFU or UBC. BCIT has been touted one of the best trade schools in the country and with good reason.  The flexibiity of alternative schools,  and the credibility of these institutions, can tailor career specific programs to suit almost any need. Students can earn any number of scholarships or incentive programs to help make their education both cost effective and suitable to their specific career goals.

Parents, you are not alone. Just so you know, within the first few days of school your sons and daughters will be given a package which will outline the many tasks that they will need to do over the year. This package includes scholarship information, photo dates, pre-grad programs and deadlines for university or college applications. A list of scholarships they can apply to will also be included. This is not an exhaustive list and it is to your advantage to research scholarships that are available through your employment, clubs and association memberships or even, the Internet. There are many scholarships available through financial institutions, insurance companies such as London Life, the IOF etc., social groups like Kinsmen, Lions Clubs, and the Shriner’s Club, to name a few. Other offerings could include church affiliations, theatre clubs or memorial scholarships. Information about any of the Provincial scholarships or your son or daughter’s standing are easily obtained by contacting your school principal or counsellor. There are an abundance of sources and with a little research, your post grad education could be paid for, at least in part.

Each school has their own package; however, they are fundamentally the same.  I encourage parents to get involved with their teenagers plans and to review the packages carefully. I recommend placing important dates on a family calender in your home, and touching base with your teenagers regularly to ensure that these deadlines are being met. I would also recommend a trip to the counsellors office to ensure that your son or daughter has completed all of the necessary academic requirements for graduation long before the time comes.  It has been my experience (more than once), that a student who has failed an important exam and has not retaken it, (or – thought the mark would disappear), has found themselves having to retake an entire course and not graduated due to neglect of a preventable situation.

Grade 12 students are under considerable pressure during their final year.  Provincial exams are worth 40% of their letter grades in most academic classes. English, Math, History, Biology, Chemistry, Physics, are all highly challenging programs and many of the students are taking between four and six of these courses in order to get into the post secondary institutions of their choice.  Many of the students that I have worked with over the years,  are sleep deprived because they are burning the candle at both ends.  I encourage  parents to give their teenagers a little slack, and offer them opportunities to alleviate much of their stress wherever possible. This year is a tough one – both for them and for us as parents. 

The relationships these young people have built during the years leading up to this important time will also come to an end.  At no other time in our lives do we say goodbye to so many important people.  Years of immature love, dreams, crushes, laughter, bullying, giggles and tears,  will be replaced with grown up ambitions.  I remember my final year as a blur, and frankly, I see very few of the people who helped to form the character I would become.  For most of us, high school is a mixture of pleasure and utter madness.  After witnessing 50 or more grad ceremonies over the years, the pleasure and pain haven’t changed since I graduated from high school in 1981.  Promises are made to be friends forever, valedictorian speeches are made, pictures are taken and grad hats are thrown……………

Parents will be growing in new directions as well. Many will have empty nests by this time next year. This is an emotional time, as their children are no longer children - instead young men and women.  As parents, we want to hold on to our kids as closely as we can.  But this is also the time for us to begin the “letting go” process for ourselves.  Don’t get me wrong, we will always be our kid’s mommy’s and daddy’s, but as they develop, so too shall we.  Some of us will adjust easily. Others may face incredible withdrawal and a deep sense of loss mixed with enormous pride at shared successes.  Go easy on your spirit, as this is a time of rejoicing and celebrating.  I assure you – we will get in the groove.

This year, my son Dakota will graduate from high school.  I am mixed with excitement and trepidation.  Did I do it right? Did I raise him well? Is he capable of going on his own next year?  Can I handle the changes easily, or will I become a teenager myself and be somewhat defiant that my sweet child will not need me the way he does today. And although, I suspect he will continue asking for money, or the car, and for some years to come be fairly close by, I recognize that right along with you folks, I will be tearing up because for the first time – this graduation will be my sons,  and the traditional graduation roses I give to my students – will be for him. I am tearing up now at the thought.

Questions? Comments? I invite you to have a look at my website for support materials, test prep samples, or services that may make your transition a little easier.  www.rightchoiceed.com. I wish you well,

Cathy