Goal Setting for Teens

Some of our greatest leaders were swindlers and thieves. Why aren’t today’s youth given the same chance?

“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.”~ John Quincy Adams

As I sit to write this article I find myself being reminded of a young lady (though she would never call herself that) whom I know. She’s a classic anti-leader. In fact, her leadership qualities are so strong that she could easily be the next Pierre Elliot Trudeau if she so desired.

It’s wonderful when you have a group of students come forward and volunteer for leadership roles in your school. It’s great to see them express their ‘type A’ personalities in such a positive way. However, they always tend to be from one or two social groups and don’t represent a good cross section of the school population.

There are leaders among every group of students. Think of it this way, someone has to make the decision of what to do Saturday night when everyone else is sitting on the fence saying “I dunno, I’ll do whatever man.” For various reasons, these students will not take on formalized leadership roles in their schools, perhaps they don’t feel they are good enough, they don’t know anyone else in ‘that circle’, or they just don’t see themselves as a leader.

These are the students who need to be cultivated because they have the unique ability to influence their peers. They see the school with its social and political hierarchy in a different way; and, if you’re lucky, they will tell you their views. These are the students who, when taught to communicate effectively and develop their leadership skills, can bring about massive change – if you let them. These are the anti-leaders. I use this term because their ideas usually are outside of the mainstream. They are ‘painted with a different brush’ and not typically considered leaders. But it is their ideas that have the seeds to radical change and they are the ones who will truly make a difference – not only in your school but in our world.

Let’s have some fun by comparing the qualities of a drug dealer and those of a gang leader with those of a student leader. Drug dealers and gang leaders may be extreme examples, but they are the most powerful leaders in your school. Drug dealers and gang leaders are using and honing their leadership skills all day, every day.

Job requirements for a gang leader:

• Inspiring and motivating speaker

• Strong personality

• Good people management skills

• Goal oriented

• Understands the needs of others

• Good decision making skills

• Good team builder

• Risk taker

• Effective communicator

• Confident

Job requirements for a drug dealer:

• Good at math

• Good organizational skills

• Knows the law

• Good at sales and up selling

• Responsible (meeting clients at set times)

• Excellent negotiation skills

• Understands the needs of others

• Good decision making skills (not on choice of career though)

• Good team builder

• Risk taker

• Effective communicator

• Confident

Qualities of a leader:

• Strong personality

• Motivating

• Good people management skills

• Goal oriented

• Listens to the needs of others

• Good decision making skills

• Good team builder

• Risk taker

• Effective communicator

• Confident

In the case of the young lady I spoke of earlier, she is neither a drug dealer nor a gang leader (though she does have quite the ‘following’ of friends). She is passionate, opinionated, well read and sees the world from a perspective outside of the mainstream. What truly sets her apart is that she is not afraid to speak her mind or to put herself on the line for her beliefs – characteristics which constantly get her into trouble.

Her problem, like all other anti-leaders, is that her energy is misdirected. She has never had anyone to help her cultivate and focus her talents and energy in a positive direction. Instead she gets dismissed as ‘another troublemaker’.

So this leads to the question, ‘Why cultivate the qualities of these anti-leaders’?

To put it bluntly if the earth is to survive another hundred years we need a radical shift in thinking and people with the guts to champion the cause. People are getting tired of politicians who just tow the party line to ensure their re-election. Though there are politicians out there who genuinely want to see change, they are not loud enough to be heard over the big machine.

The world needs civil leaders to champion causes that are forward thinking, much like the great civil rights leaders in the 1960’s. Roles like this can only be filled by a-typical leaders; ones who see the world from a different perspective and are not afraid to speak their minds or put themselves on the line to advance their cause and initiate change.

So my question to you is, ‘are you willing to put yourself on the line to cultivate these students and mentor them to use their qualities in a positive way’? If so, what do you think you can do to encourage them into positive leadership programs?

 As I sit to write this article I find myself being reminded of a young lady (though she would never call herself that) whom I know. She’s a classic anti-leader.
As a teacher it’s wonderful when you have a group of students come forward and volunteer for leadership roles in your school. It’s great to see them express their ‘type A’ personalities in such a positive way. However, they always tend to be from one or two social groups and don’t represent a good cross section of the school population.
There are leaders among every group of kids. Think of it this way, someone has to make the decision of what to do Saturday night when everyone else is sitting on the fence saying “I dunno, I’ll do whatever man.” For various reasons, these kids will not take on formalized leadership roles in their schools, perhaps they don’t feel they are good enough, they don’t know anyone else in ‘that circle’, or they just don’t see themselves as a leader.
These are the kids who need to be cultivated because they have the unique ability to influence their peers. They see school with its social and political hierarchy in a different way, and if you’re lucky they will tell you their views. These are the kids who, when taught to communicate effectively and develop their leadership skills, can bring about massive change – if you let them. These are the anti-leaders. I use this term because their ideas usually are outside of the mainstream. They are ‘painted with a different brush’ and not typically considered leaders. But it is their ideas that have the seeds of radical change and they are the ones who will truly make a difference – not only in their schools but in our world.
Let’s have some fun by comparing the qualities of a drug dealer and those of a gang leader with those of a student leader. Drug dealers and gang leaders may be an extreme example, but they are the most powerful leaders in your school. They are using and honing their leadership skills every single day, all day.
Job requirements for a gang leader:
• Inspiring and motivating speaker
• Strong personality
• Good people management skills
• Goal oriented
• Understands the needs of others
• Good decision making skills
• Good team builder
• Risk taker
• Effective communicator
• Confident
Job requirements for a drug dealer:
• Good at math
• Good organizational skills
• Knows the law
• Good at sales and upselling
• Responsible (meeting clients at set times)
• Excellent negotiation skills
• Understands the needs of others
• Good decision making skills (not on choice of career though)
• Good team builder
• Risk taker
• Effective communicator
• Confident
Qualities of a leader:
• Strong personality
• Motivating
• Good people management skills
• Goal oriented
• Listens to the needs of others
• Good decision making skills
• Good team builder
• Risk taker
• Effective communicator
• Confident
In the case of the young lady I spoke of earlier, she is neither a drug dealer nor a gang leader (though she does have quite the ‘following’ of friends). She is passionate, opinionated, well read and sees the world from a perspective outside of the mainstream. What truly sets her apart is that she is not afraid to speak her mind or to put herself on the line for her beliefs – characteristics which constantly get her into trouble.
Her problem, like all other anti-leaders, is her energy is misdirected because she has never had anyone to help her cultivate her talents and energy in a focused, positive direction. Instead she gets dismissed as ‘another troublemaker’.
So this leads to the question, ‘Why cultivate the qualities of these anti-leaders’?
To put it bluntly if the earth is to survive another hundred years we need a radical shift in thinking and people with the guts to champion the cause. People are getting tired of politicians who just tow the party line so as not to rock the boat to be sure they are re-elected. Though there are politicians out there who genuinely want to see change, they are not loud enough to be heard over the big machine.
The world needs civil leaders to champion causes that are forward thinking, much like the great civil rights leaders in the 1960’s. Roles like this can only be filled by a-typical leaders; ones who see the world from a different perspective and are not afraid to speak their minds or put themselves on the line to advance their cause and initiate change.
So my question to you is, are you willing to put yourself on the line to shape these kids to become the leaders they should be?

For the most part, a teenager’s communication skills get worse every day as they submerge themselves in their world of text messages and abbreviate everything.  They have no idea how to look someone in the eye, shake hands or even speak up with something other than “wassup”.

With budget cuts getting worse every day and class sizes getting bigger, how can we get to these kids and teach them what they need to know about survival?  The teachers can’t do it, they’re stuck with curriculum that must be taught and then tested.  The curriculum is old and for the most part outdated.  The teachers are underpaid and have no incentive to inspire. The kids are bored and don’t listen and as a result our drop out ratio is higher than ever.  This is our future folks – these kids will one day be running our country and making decisions that will affect a lot of us as we enter the later years of our lives.  If you think life is scary now – just wait!

I’ve been taught that when you see a challenge, find a solution.  So that’s what I’ve done.  I’ve created a series of “classes” to teach life skills to teens. I’ve been fortunate, in that I have found a way to relate to teenagers, and they to me. Coaching and mentoring these kids feeds my soul, but more importantly gives them a new outlook with which to face life.  I’m not saying that they’re all a mess, but there are way too many who are.  I realize this is pretty brutal, but then, the truth usually is.

It starts with self esteem.  Who are their role models?  Who do you think are their role models and why?  Is it Eminem and his rap or Tiger Woods and his focus?  Are they listening and doing, or just doing without listening?  Are they aware of consequences?  Do they care?  Do they know what a goal is?  If so, do they know how to set and reach it?  These are just the first few questions and answers that we dig into when I’m coaching.  What makes a teenager tick?  How can we motivate them to think and do something positive?

Teenage is a tough time, but we can help them to develop a sense of self and future goals.  They can learn to think, act and even accomplish things they never thought about.  One of my first students was a 16 year old high school mother with absolutely no self esteem or thoughts that she could accomplish anything other than just getting through school, and even that would be a first in her family of 14!  She grew into a confident, skilled, smart young woman and worked for me personally for 10 years!  I’m so proud of her and who she has become, the family she is raising and the life she is enjoying.

If we can work together to produce a better curriculum for life then that’s what we must do.  Contact me! Tish@talk2tish.com or direct 310.822.1978!

Let’s work together to create a better life for your kids!  I know we can do it!

Your self-esteem is very important in the level of confidence you will have throughout your daily life. It is the way you view and feel about yourself that will have a very profound effect on how you life will proceed each day.

The opinions and experiences that you have gathered since child hood from family members, school, your friends and society as a whole plays a part in developing self-esteem but how you take it all in and view those opinions determines your selfesteem.

We seek encouragement and approval from others especially parents and role models as we are growing up and this plays a huge roll in the development and the building of self esteem as we try to build confidence within our selves.

As teens and into adult hood there is a constant barrage of commercials, opinions from others, family members that we should be slim, dress fashionable, be financially successful and if we are having problems living up to all this it can and does have a impact on our lives and leads to low self esteem.

The opposite is also just as true that if we have managed to live up to this expectation it can and sometime does lead to pride in our ability and in ourselves but friends and society can view us as being arrogant and conceited and resent us for being so successful and this can have an effect on our self confidence.

Your self-esteem will fluctuate daily and is highly affected by other people and events of the day but you are in total control of your self confidence and self esteem levels, it is up to you to determine if you will allow these events to control your life.

Just as rejection and loss can be underlying factors for low self esteem success and achievement can great boost you to higher levels of confidence and self-esteem.

However how we feel solely about ourselves is also determined by our relationships we have with others and if we are felt worthwhile as individuals. We are humans and we have a natural instinct to be wanted and included as well as wanted to contribute and be a value member of society that makes a difference, we want to feel that we matter.

Many people seek out a life coach or a confidence coach to help build self esteem and to build confidence and while this is great for I feel everyone can use help every now and then what every one must realize is that change is not easily accomplished.

Change means stepping outside of you comfort zone and this can lead to more selfesteem issues. This is why goal setting is very important when developing self esteem. It allows you to set small goals to achieve to eventually work you way up to the big goals you have for yourself all while along the way you gradually build your confidence levels and your self esteem to becoming the person you wish to become and also by doing this you build a inner confidence that will not be easily influenced by others and events is society.

Nothing worth having ever comes easy. If everything came easily to you then you wouldn’t value it so much when you acquired it.

You must be determined to improving your self esteem and you will soon find yourself achieving greater things as your confidence builds. Remember the way you feel about yourself also determines how others will interact with you and vice versa.

One of the best things I ever did for my self esteem issues was to finally be able to convince myself that if I was going to have the life I wanted I didn’t have time to worry about what others thought of me.

If I allowed what they thought of me to determine my actions then that meant they were controlling my life and I am the only one that controls my own life and that goes for you also.

© Copyright 2007 – All Rights Reserved Delton Doucet

Have you ever had low self-esteem and didn’t know how to snap out of it? Have you ever wondered, how can I just flip the switch on, and change my mood? Has someone ever hurt your feelings and their words make you feel insecure about who you are? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then please continue reading and find out the 5 powerful tips to improve your self-esteem.

1. Appreciate yourself: This is where you are thankful for your gifts and talents. There are many gifts that you have that other teens do not have and it is time to appreciate that you have them. For example, I am a great reader or I am a great listener or I am a great helper, etc.

2. Avoid being Judgmental towards others: At times teens are notorious for gossiping and talking about others. Stop this habit, for this shows your insecurity about yourself and it only makes you feel worse afterwards. For example, she looks so fat in that, or he is not a good wrestler, etc.

3. Don’t Compare Yourself to anyone else: This only makes you think of everything you don’t have and makes your self-esteem decrease. You’re a unique person, so why are you comparing yourself, just be you and be happy with you. For example, why does she get a car at 16 and I have to wait 2 more years? This will make you sad and resentful of your life, instead of appreciating that some people never get a car, that they ride the bus, get a taxi, or walk their whole lives.

4. Make a few goals that you can reach and work towards it: Set some goals up for yourself, like doing your homework by 9 p.m. Another example would be no watching TV, until the weekend. Set up goals to help you accomplish some things you want to get done. This is a big booster in Self-Esteem.

5. Make a Contribution: Do something to help others and you will feel great. Do it for the sake of the Creator, and you will get rewarded in so many ways, it’s unbelievable. For example, help a friend with their studies; take care of your siblings, washing the dishes, volunteer for something, etc.

For more information, check out my book Who Am I? A book just for Teens, http://zohrasarwari.com/who_am_i.html From Zohra Sarwari “Life Coach/ Professional Speaker/ Author” http://www.ZohraSarwari.com

Body Image is an issue which can be of primary importance to teenagers. It not difficult to see that this is priority due to the medias unrealistic interpretation of how a typical female or male is meant to look like. We frequently see these size 0 women and incredibly masculine men in TV shows, covers of magazines, Music videos and practically all types of image related  advertising all of which teens have impressions on everyday.

What is important for teens to understand is that these Bodies are usually that of highly paid fitness models who dedicate their lives to achieve their physique. While it is possible to achieve this physique with a lot of work it is not realistic for most teens. For example, just because your a swimmer doesn’t mean you have to swim like Michael Phelps!

Personally, during my teenage years, I disliked my body. I had a fixation with getting a big muscular physique. Of course I made Loads of mistake but eventually after about 2-3 years I achieved a lean 210 physique. Was I happy?! No! I felt like I had too much Body Fat. As a result, I spent some time losing the excess Body Fat. Was I content now?! No! My chest was too small, I couldn’t see my lower abs, my shoulders weren’t in good proportion to my arms… I could go on… Are you starting to see my point!

Eventually, I realized that I would never be 100% satisfied with my body. There would always be something I wanted; a bigger chest, lower abs, Bigger Biceps etc. At that point I began to look at the bigger picture and say;

“Hey, I have a great body, I’m proud of it and I’m not going to spent my whole life being obsessed with it!” 

This is exactly what I want teens understand. Your never going to be totally satisfied with your body. There will always be something.

While there’s nothing wrong with trying to achieve a better Body Image, don’t strive for a cover model Body unless your willing to put in years of effort and sacrifice a lot of your youth. Strive to lose a few pounds of fat or to put on a few pounds of muscle.

My message to all you teens is that you should be proud of your body, and if your not, set a realistic goal where you you WILL be proud of your body!

Of course, The most important thing when setting your Health and Fitness goals is Information and Knowledge. Without Information and Knowledge of the three aspects of Dieting, Exercise and lifestyle the effectiveness of you losing weight or building muscle is going to be severely hindered. So get the right Know-How!

With so much information bombarding us from TV, magazines, radio, supermarkets etc. telling us to eat this and to follow that program it becomes difficult to see the underlying, simple truth behind Fat Loss.

As a Final Note…

If your a teen, don’t let low self-esteem due to your Body image restrict aspects of your life in anyway. Life’s too short!

All the Best,

Kieran from Body2Shape 

Body2Shape provide Free, Impartial, tired and tested Body Image Advice.

http://www.body2shape.com/

When does self esteem begin? Many times we think that self esteem begins in our children when they hit their tween years, not realizing that it really begins at birth. It is developed with the influence of parental attitudes and behaviors right from birth and then continuing on into all the childhood developments. Their self-esteem is first built by having their basic needs met, including the need for love, comfort, and closeness. How children are treated by their parents or primary caregivers sets the stage for how their self-esteem is developed. Young babies and children who feel unloved find it more difficult to develop a sense of self-worth and then carry those feeling on into later childhood and on into their teen years. Supportive parental behavior, including encouragement and praise for accomplishments, as well as the child’s internalization of the parents’ own attitudes toward success and failure, are the most powerful factors in the development of self-esteem in early childhood. Stresses at home, such as parents arguing a lot, or not having friends to play with and interact with, can have a negative impact on a child’s self-esteem and self-worth even at a very early age. When children have a good quality of self-esteem they can handle conflicts, peer pressures and making friends, easier. Preschoolers learn self-esteem in stages through developing their senses of trust, independence, and initiative with their parents and siblings and then that moves on into interacting with their friends and other relatives. Self-esteem comes from different sources for children at different stages of development. Our self esteem is instilled in us during our youth. It is very important to be aware if the under current in the home is critical; as being criticized by parents and family members tends to slowly strip the child of their feelings of self worth. Self esteem is described as having an inner good feeling of oneself. It is the way you perceive yourself and your self value. When this reflects within the child, it is what they think and feel about themselves and how well they feel that they do things, this is ultimately what is important to them and this is the foundation their self esteem is built upon. As the children grow and mature and their experiences move outside the immediate home and move on into school, and with their peers, it becomes more important in these areas how they determine their self-esteem. Schools also have a huge influence on self-esteem through the attitudes they foster toward competition and diversity and their recognition of achievement in academics, sports, and the arts. At this stage, social acceptance by a child’s peer group plays a major role in developing and maintaining self-esteem. The physical and emotional changes that take place in adolescence, especially in early adolescence, present new challenges to a child’s self-esteem. They are faced with physical and hormonal changes and this the time when teens go through major changes in their lives and their self-esteem can tend to be very fragile. This is the time when teens require and need to have a very supportive family. Fitting in with their peers becomes more important than ever to teens self-esteem, and, in later adolescence, relationships with the opposite sex or sometimes the same sex can become a major source of confidence or insecurity. Body image is a major component in teenagers’ self-esteem, and they are very concerned about how their peers see them. This goes for both boys and girls, body image is very important and teens who have high self-esteem like the way they look and accept themselves the way they are. Parents can foster self-esteem by expressing affection and support for the child and to start this as previously stated in the early years, will be helping the child set realistic goals for achievement instead of imposing unreachably high standards. Teens that learn to set goals in their lives have higher self-esteem than those who do not. During this time and even before, children and/or teens can be taught visualization. This is an excellent tool to create and develop self esteem in all individuals and a great visualization tool is vision map videos. Teens can also be encouraged to watch the words they use to describe themselves, such as if they constantly say they are stupid or that they can’t achieve success; they need to understand that is what will happen. So, make it a habit of saying positive things and use this positive posturing to create self esteem to their full advantage. The use of affirmations is also a great way for them to start using affirming language and these are also featured in vision map videos. Be sure and explain to your teen that nobody is perfect in the eyes of everyone else, so by trying to be perfect you may just be setting yourself up for disappointment and failure. Spend more time focusing on the qualities about them that you like and less on the ones that you dislike. Teach them to believe in themselves completely, and others will also believe and trust in them.