Goal Setting for Teens

Is this an epidemic fuelled by parents?Is life too easy?

Life is so easy for too many children; they don’t know what it means to work hard to acquire their desires. They ask for and are given just about everything they want far too easily. We are in a generation of excess. They want it all, and they want it now!Watch this with your teenagers

Take as little as 5 minutes to watch this YouTube “Teenage Affluenza” video by World Vision with your teenager. The video does a great job juxtaposing the problems of young people in a rich country vs. the monumental difficulties young people in poor countries face, but in a sarcastic way that isn’t too overbearing or preachy.Results of over indulgence

Some psychologists say that parents who overindulge their kids may be setting them up for future anxiety and depression. Recent studies show that kids who were given too much too soon often have difficulty coping with life’s disappointments as adults. They have a distorted sense of entitlement that gets in the way of successful relationships at home and in the future – the workplace.What the experts say

Experts also warn that parents are spoiling their kids; not just with material things, but by failing to set limits, not requiring that chores be done on a regular basis, not making the child wait or earn money for items they want, and smoothing away all the child’s frustrations in order to keep them happy, no matter what. According to experts, this type of parenting can lead to lack of motivation, low self-esteem and irresponsible behaviour.What happens when you don’t say no

Parent’s who can’t say no is an unexpected legacy of the affluent 90’s. This generation of parent has always been driven to give their teen every advantage. Now a growing number of psychologists, educators, and parents have come to the realisation that all this overindulging is producing lazy, self-involved, and irresponsible teenagers that are prone to drop out of school, continue to live with their parents into their mid to late twenties and beyond, and may develop a dependency on drugs and alcohol.Be their parent

What children need most at this time is for parents to be a parent; not their best friend. Today’s parents put in more hours on the job; at the end of the work week it’s tempting to give in to the guilt for not spending quality time with their kids, or to buy peace with a “yes.” Overindulged children often have lower self-esteem, a direct contradiction to what most overindulgent parents are trying to achieve with their coddling, Instead of having a sense of self- confidence they have a sense of knowing that their parents will take care of things for them.Saying No

According to psychologists parents need to find is a balance between the advantages of an affluent society and the critical life lessons that come from waiting, saving, and working hard to achieve goals. Don’t confuse permissiveness with love. In your quest to keep your child happy, you may forget to impart the ethics and values you really want to teach.The Marketing Phenomenon

Susan Linn, an instructor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, believes most parents are doing their best in the struggle against what she calls a marketing maelstrom. Corporate America is largely to blame for our overindulged society, she said. “Parents and children are living in a commercially driven culture that glorifies conspicuous consumption, and that’s harmful,” said Linn, author of Consuming Kids: The Hostile Takeover of Childhood “Children are just inundated with very sophisticated marketing messages by companies that encourage them to nag their parents (to buy them things).”Those messages persuade parents and kids they can’t be happy without certain brands or products, she said. “People are buying into that belief that what makes a child happy is buying them things,” Linn said. “But the research tells us that things don’t make us happy.”Remind yourself and your children: The best things in life aren’t things!

For the most part, a teenager’s communication skills get worse every day as they submerge themselves in their world of text messages and abbreviate everything.  They have no idea how to look someone in the eye, shake hands or even speak up with something other than “wassup”.

With budget cuts getting worse every day and class sizes getting bigger, how can we get to these kids and teach them what they need to know about survival?  The teachers can’t do it, they’re stuck with curriculum that must be taught and then tested.  The curriculum is old and for the most part outdated.  The teachers are underpaid and have no incentive to inspire. The kids are bored and don’t listen and as a result our drop out ratio is higher than ever.  This is our future folks – these kids will one day be running our country and making decisions that will affect a lot of us as we enter the later years of our lives.  If you think life is scary now – just wait!

I’ve been taught that when you see a challenge, find a solution.  So that’s what I’ve done.  I’ve created a series of “classes” to teach life skills to teens. I’ve been fortunate, in that I have found a way to relate to teenagers, and they to me. Coaching and mentoring these kids feeds my soul, but more importantly gives them a new outlook with which to face life.  I’m not saying that they’re all a mess, but there are way too many who are.  I realize this is pretty brutal, but then, the truth usually is.

It starts with self esteem.  Who are their role models?  Who do you think are their role models and why?  Is it Eminem and his rap or Tiger Woods and his focus?  Are they listening and doing, or just doing without listening?  Are they aware of consequences?  Do they care?  Do they know what a goal is?  If so, do they know how to set and reach it?  These are just the first few questions and answers that we dig into when I’m coaching.  What makes a teenager tick?  How can we motivate them to think and do something positive?

Teenage is a tough time, but we can help them to develop a sense of self and future goals.  They can learn to think, act and even accomplish things they never thought about.  One of my first students was a 16 year old high school mother with absolutely no self esteem or thoughts that she could accomplish anything other than just getting through school, and even that would be a first in her family of 14!  She grew into a confident, skilled, smart young woman and worked for me personally for 10 years!  I’m so proud of her and who she has become, the family she is raising and the life she is enjoying.

If we can work together to produce a better curriculum for life then that’s what we must do.  Contact me! Tish@talk2tish.com or direct 310.822.1978!

Let’s work together to create a better life for your kids!  I know we can do it!

If you are a teen seeking an alternative to public or private schools with an accredited diploma, then an online high school program is a terrific option!
Are you looking for a program that grants the freedom to learn creatively, to take charge of your own education and to pursue the future in your timing?
Are you searching for a flexible education for any of the following reasons:
The desire to work at your own pace with the option to graduate early
The freedom to determine your own courses
The need to study in a less distracting environment
The ability to work from home for health reasons
The need for more challenging courses
The need to go back and establish a stronger academic foundation
The need to schedule your learning around a career
The need for more time to pursue your excellence in athletics or another field
If any of these apply, you must consider the freedom of online high school.
In many cases, you are ready to consider a homeschool program for high school, but convincing your parents that they can do it can be a daunting task.
They are struggling with the knowledge that high school is crucial to your future and they don’t want to risk making mistakes.
How will they ensure that you are on the right track?
How will they teach high school math and science courses?
How will they know that you are producing quality work?
What courses will you need for college?
What about a high school transcript?
What about an accredited diploma?
All of these are valid concerns and definitely should be considered as you research the option of high school at home and the right online high school program can and will meet those needs.
So what do you need to know as you consider the options and search for the right online high school program? What questions should you ask? How do you know that the online high school or homeschool academy you choose will prepare you for your future?
Some basic considerations:
Ask about accreditation. You want to be sure that the online high school you choose is accredited and that you will receive an accredited diploma.
Ask about college placement. Can they provide a list of colleges and universities where their high school graduates have gone?
Ask about flexibility. Do they offer a “one size fits all” curriculum or do they cater courses to your specific needs and goals? Do they offer both vocational and college prep high school programs? Can they meet the needs of both struggling learners and advanced or gifted students?
Ask about support. Are you able to call for help or get help online when you need it?
Ask about freedom in scheduling. Are you required to be online for a specific time period during the day or for a set number of hours per day or do you have the freedom to determine your own schedule?
Ask about AP courses. Are you able to take online advanced placement courses that prepare you for AP Exams?
Ask about dual enrollment courses. Does the school offer the opportunity to take online college courses for both high school and college credit? This is a terrific way to get a head start on college while taking more rigorous courses and preparing yourself for the transition to college level academics.
Ask about graduation. Can you participate in a graduation ceremony with other graduates?
It is important to ask the right questions before choosing an online high school. Be sure it is recognized, has been in operation for several years and has a good reputation. This is your future, you want to do it right.
How to get started.
Start by looking at the various online high school options out there. Be sure to ask the questions listed above and compare programs.
Some online high school programs to consider:
Bridgeway Academy Online High School, http://www.homeschoolacademy.com. In operation for 20 years, you can be confident in the fact that their high school graduates have attended colleges and universities all across the country-many with scholarship funding. Choose to take all courses online or mix and match your preferences for a truly customized program.
With introductory grants available, you can take advantage of the most cost effective online high school program out there. You can enjoy a program that offers more freedom and customization than any other online high school. You can be confident in a course load that is catered to your needs and abilities, whether you are struggling with academics or searching for more challenging and advanced classes. You can be sure that you will receive exactly what you need to succeed. And, if you are looking for a jump start on college, you can find it at Bridgeway Academy where dual enrollment courses (in partnership with Davis College) offer you the ability to take online courses for both college and high school credit.
Stanford University Designed, http://epgy.stanford.edu/ohs/, for gifted students, this is a costly online high school but may be one to consider if you are seeking the prestige of Stanford University. Its web-based courses are designed to challenge students and prepare them for the rigors of an Ivy League university like Stanford.
Keystone High School, http://keystonehighschool.com/. Keystone is an online high school that admits both teenagers and adults with proof of completing eighth grade. Students may choose from a variety of online or correspondence courses to find a program that meets their needs. As with all other programs listed above, students can opt to take one course or enroll in the full program.
So don’t be afraid to ask your parents to consider a home school option for you, but do be sure that you have researched it well and are prepared to offer an answer to their concerns.

ONE The holiday destination and duration is a mutual decision – it’s a way for everyone to relax over a period of time, so if you don’t know where to go, ask your teens because they may have some ideas. You don’t want it to turn into a ‘what parents say goes, whether you like it or not’ because it has the potential to ruin the entire mood of the trip. My coaching client friend’s son actually knew a friend who’s parents had a batch they wanted someone to look after over the holidays, so they saved HEAPS on accommodation…plus they got to go jet skiing every day at lake Taupo (for free!). TWO The whole family goes. It’s one of the only rules I feel parents should enforce, especially if your trip includes seeing relatives. They’ll regret not seeing their family as much later on in life if they’re always given the option to stay home during family getaways. THREE Everyone’s idea of a holiday is different. I suggest you don’t do something crazy like ban cell phones or iPods. If the technology really is getting to you, you’re going to have to come up with alternative activities to keep them entertained. The lady I was coaching, her daughter was a TXT-a-holic, so the rule she decided to enforce was if her daughter’s idea of relaxing was lying on the beach TXTing, that was fine, as long as there were a number of other options available for them to do. FOUR Decide to complete one useful thing during the trip. During most of our getaways from the big city, because my brother and I were at school, my Mum used to set a goal that we will cover a whole history book, or take a piece of literature we would take turns reading in the car, and then analyze the story and characters. It sounds silly, but in parents’ eyes, they felt we didn’t get enough time to do this at school, so for us it was entertaining to learn a whole book, or history of a country, with our parents two-cents into it. I know one of my friends used to go away and come back with a whole scrapbook of their family’s history – this was their way of organizing loose family photos into one place, and find out a bit of their family tree history. Maybe you’ll want to plant an idea of shooting a documentary of the holiday, to put up on YouTube and maybe one day get discovered by a famous producer! Anything can happen! FIVE Remember this is your holiday just as much as your family’s. Take time-out to do what you need tod aswell. If you’re in a good mood too, everyone wins! * * *THIS WEEK’S FREE HELPFUL DOWNLOAD!http://sharecash.org/download.php?id=102361 The Self-Improvement Handbook, valued at USD$39, FREE to you! Because I love my readers! Take some useful tips out of this, and take that time out during the holidays for yourself!http://sharecash.org/download.php?id=102361 * * *HAPPY HOLIDAYING Eva-Maria – Bestselling Author of ‘You Shut Up!’, International Speaker and Certified Coach <3 Get a complimentary copy of the CD where I reveal… “7 Teen Secrets": www.trustyourfuture.com

Ways of building muscle for teens differ from methods commonly used by adults. From the type of workouts to the supplements taken to the intensity of the exercise routines, adult and teenage muscle-building activities vary in numerous ways. This is due primarily to the difference between the physical makeup of adults and teenagers. Below, we look at the best workouts for teenagers who wish to build and tone their muscles.

Tips on choosing workouts

Moderate workouts are the most appropriate for teenagers aiming to build their muscles. When we say moderate, this means not too heavy on the workload and not too many reps and sets. Gradually building up to higher levels of workouts should be the goal of teens trying to build their muscles. Shocking the system by starting with heavy weights and numerous reps and sets will not aid a teenager’s cause. Starting slow is the key.

Ideally, low weights with higher repetitions should be the basic design of teenage workouts. Bench press, squats and jogs are the best exercises for teenagers. It is also important to choose workouts that move all the muscles of the body uniformly; so treadmills and elliptical machines are the best exercise equipment to have for adolescents.

Eating the right food

Teenage girls who are into toning their muscles should not be following a weight loss diet. To build muscles and strengthen the body, one should eat so that the body will have something to burn after each workout. Dieting and working out just do not go together. To have the best result from your workouts, eat a lot of protein-rich and carbohydrates-laden foods. Lean meat, potatoes, rice and other such meals will greatly help muscle-building efforts. There’s no need to worry that these foods will get you fat, they will be easily burned by your workouts if you follow the routines diligently.

Supplements and other extras

Some do take supplements to keep their bodies healthy; however, it will be best to get the much needed nutrients for your body from natural sources like fruits and vegetables, lean meat and other foods that do not have artificial ingredients. Best of all, stay away from alcohol and cigarettes so that your efforts will not be wasted.

Building muscle for teens programs are not bad. Contrary to some beliefs that they can stunt growth, these workouts could actually make a teenager’s body healthier and stronger. The thing to remember is to do it in moderation and to not jump into higher levels of activities that are designed for professional body builders.

Over the past few decades there has been a drastic change in sexual behavior among teenagers. It is quite glaring that teen females have gradually become more liberated and sexually aggressive, to the point of being promiscuous. There is absolutely an upheaval in the sexual context of what is socially acceptable and what is not. Teenage behavior has changed dramatically and it appears to veer toward homosexual behaviors. There seems to be more awareness of sex-linked diseases and teenage pregnancy has generally become more acceptable.

Whatever norms that society has set in the past seem to have gone out the window. Some teens create their own norms based on what they “feel” instead of what is socially acceptable as appropriate behavior. Sadly, some teens have the notion that if something feels good, then it should be okay. No one can argue that sex is going to feel good. It should feel good because it was designed that way, but it doesn’t mean that it is appropriate all the time.

Sex ought to be something quite intimate – almost sacred, but it has become an art among today’s teenagers. Teens have found ways to engage in sex without inducing pregnancy. Sex itself has become a multi-million dollar industry. People know that sex sells, especially among teens. Go to the mall and you’ll see public displays of sexuality in some of the windows of shops. Go online and it’s basically the same scenario. You may even hear negative comments from teens about such stores yet they still have a strong desire to shop in such stores. Sex now has a price tag and is currently marketed as being fulfilling and romantic. It is apparently safe and easy and one can simply walk away with no strings attached.

Such a radical shift in the concept of sex among teenagers has been largely influenced by media, by peers, and by the culture and locations in which they live. There are three reasons why teens engage in sex as some form of recreation. These include irresponsible parents, puberty and desire, and the need for love. As soon as the word love comes into the picture, the green light for having sex greatly increases. If a boy professes love for a girl, then she becomes more likely to succumb to sexual pressure than if he doesn’t.

Parents need to constantly show their love to their teens because if the need for love is being met, they won’t have to look for it in the arms of another teen. Parents need to explain the emotional impact and the repercussions that come along with giving one’s sexuality to another. They need to help teenagers look past the fleeting pleasure derived from sex. Teens should learn to set lifetime goals for the future and consider whether having a child would fit into those goals. By having a clear set of goals for the future, teens won’t be easily swept by a sudden surge of emotions and they would be smart enough to gauge whether having a child is worth the risk of engaging into a momentary act of passion. Finally, parents must impart the value of self-control. Talk to your teen, explain to them how modern society is portraying sexuality and personal convictions. Keep them informed so they won’t be tempted to try something that they would regret later on.

Most of us enjoy a lazy day when we can sleep in, putz around and just relax a little – and our kids are no different. However, when the dog days of summer come, some teens take that one “couch out” day and stretch it over an entire summer break. Here are some tips to combat summertime teen laziness and keep your teen active and engaged.
Communicate Expectations – Tell your teen in a nonthreatening but firm manner that you will not accept their staying in bed all morning and afternoon. It is perfectly reasonable to ask that they get up at a decent hour. Explain that you want them to do more than merely watch TV, play video games, or visit social networking sites all day.
If your teen wants you to help pay for their summer activities, they should be willing to abide by a few summer guidelines. Set an age appropriate, specific time that you expect them to be home, based upon the level of trust they have earned. Ask them to take on a couple of extra chores during the summer to earn some pocket money. These chores could be for you or someone else, but make sure they go above and beyond the normal, everyday chores that every member of the family should be expected to do.
Get Them Engaged – Whether you ask them to help you more around the house, participate in volunteer activities in the community, or help them get a job, you want them to be engaged in something worthwhile. Give them encouragement to help at a YMCA, children’s program, or nursing home. They may find they truly enjoy these volunteer activities and you will help them appreciate the joys of serving others that will last a lifetime.
Help them find volunteer positions by calling around to local places of worship, daycares, charities, or nursing homes. Local businesses may be hiring summer help; offer to help them find a job to earn some extra money. This will help them learn to manage money, but will also help them realize the value of their time. If they get paid by the hour, they might be less likely to fritter their time away.
Spend Family Time – Avoid giving lectures about what they should do during the summer. (Lectures, period, are ineffective with teens.) Instead, find activities that you can do with them. You don’t have to spend every waking moment with your teen, but take some time to take them shopping, go to a movie, or out for a coffee. Keep it relaxed and let your teen open up to you in their own time and way. Summertime is a great time to reconnect with your teen. Don’t let these weeks go by without taking this time to slow down and just be together.
Encourage Physical Activity – Take time to learn or play a new sport with your teen. Not only will this help your teen be more active during the summer, it’ll help you get some much needed exercise, too. Boys in particular are more likely to enjoy “side by side” activities. These are often great times to open dialogue with your son about important issues. Give tennis, swimming, cycling, or rollerblading a try. You both will benefit your health and well being.
Parents all over the country complain that their teens get lazy during the summer break. But teens, just like toddlers, need guidance, clear communication, and reminders of your expectations in order to be successful. These tips should get you well on your way. Ask your teen if there are things they’d like to accomplish before school starts, and then help them to meet those goals.

For many parents, the experience of raising children can easily turn from an idealized dream of Halloween costumes, lunch boxes, first dates and prom pictures into a battlefield of miscommunication and misunderstanding that leaves both teenagers and parents emotionally scarred.

In this type of environment, each attempt by parents to connect with their teen is like walking through a minefield. Every step carries the potential of detonating an explosion of conflict and aggression. The result of this type of family dynamic is often a numbing exhaustion that permeates every aspect of family and personal life.

A sense of hopelessness is common when a gulf in communication exists between parents and teenagers. A belief, steeped in resentment, that things will never be any different can keep families from seeing ways that respect and understanding can be restored.

With the right tools, applicable knowledge and commitment, parents can shift their relationships with their adolescent children from adversarial to respectful. By creating a space where parents and teens can hear each other in an open accepting environment the entire family can come together, reconnect and grow.

One of the best ways to start is by looking at the world that kids are living in. As much as one might sometimes question their choices, kids are the experts on their world. They have a common language that they share with friends, a set of intense likes and dislikes, and a way of looking at the world that is unique to themselves. The goal for parents is to approach that world with respect and learn to understand how things can affect a teenager in both positive and negative ways.

It can be difficult to set aside the time and energy to be present with children, especially with all of the expectations placed on parents to live up to our culture’s image of success. It is more than common these days to find both parents working as a means to sustain financial stability.

This same pressure to achieve affects teens as well when they perceive that acceptance and success comes from external achievement. The pressure to wear the right clothes, have the newest electronics, perform well in school, and be popular is very real to teenagers.

Having a safe haven within the family to decompress from these pressures is vital way for kids to maintain a strong sense of themselves while strengthening the family as a whole. Parents can encourage their kids to build on the strengths of their uniqueness showing them that they recognize the pressure they face to fit in.

As parents, it is also important to recognize when these pressures may be too big for your teen to handle on their own.  This is a time to find a qualified therapist who specializes in working with teens to assist them in dealing with the challenges they are facing.

As parents make space for the unique aspects of their teens to develop both adolescents and adults can create a place of mutual understanding.  By releasing judgment, misunderstanding, and expectation individuality can blossom and a healthy relationship can grow.

Learn More About Teens and Therapy at www.JohnSovec.com

STEP ONE

THE PUSH START

Everyone needs or deserve a push start. You got it when you entered college or university and if you never got it, then blaze a new trail and give your kid the push start they need in life. There are a number of ways to do this and you can use all or just one of the ideas listed below.

PUSH START #1

? Pay them to take an evening class and pass with credit or distinction or to enrol in college or university.

? Pay them to learn a new language or a musical instrument.

? Pay them to get A’s or B’s for a month, and when they get it, increase the reward until getting As and Bs become a habit.

? Pay them to study, then quiz them about what they’ve studied so you know that they didn’t cheat.

? Pay for them to read at least 2 books per weak and ask them to explain what they’ve read so you know they didn’t cheat.

? Pay them to participate in an extracurricular activity or to volunteer in a community organization – this usually gives them purpose in life and often straightens them out.

PUSH START # 2

? Negotiate with to have an extra hour out at weekends if it is safe to do so (in exchange for whatever you want them to accomplish).

? Negotiate with them privileges to have a television in their room, having friends over or visiting a friend’s home, keeping a party at their house in exchange to accomplishing a task that you set.

? Promise and fulfil a family vacation if they accomplish a task that you set for them.

? Give them the birthday party they’ve always wanted or the gift they’ve always wanted in exchange for accomplishing a task or goal.

? Give them their own credit card or allow them to use yours or offer other incentives if they can demonstrate certain levels responsibility.

STEP TWO

MEETING THEM HALF-WAY

Nothing can demonstrate more to your teen that you are a fair person and that you are interested in seeing things from their point of view, than to meet them half-way on an issue.

MEETING STRATEGY

? Negotiate with your teen to change something about yourself that they don’t like or change the way you do certain things in exchange for them to change something about themselves that you believe is negative or is of little value to their growth and development.

? Agree to go back to college if they will go and enrol in college.

? If they agree to save a certain amount of their allowances for a specific period of time – promise and fulfil the promise to give them the exact amount they’ve saved or double or triple it according to what you can afford.

? Promise to and fulfil that promise to help them with their work if they will become more disciplined.

? Show them that you care and are willing to meet them half way if they will put out some effort.

? If they are willing to take the initiative, praise them for it, however if they will not do that, then since you are the ones trying to inspire them to action, then you should take the initiative and let them know that you are prepared to give and take and work with them for their benefit. They will often appreciate this and will be willing to work with you.

? Preparing to meet half way is the heart of democracy and they will be learning this method of compromise which is necessary for all to function cohesively in society. You will thus be teaching them to be responsible, participative members of society.

? Meeting half way help both parties and fosters good relations and practices and both parties will feel like they are a part of a process that will lead to greater harmony, achievement and success.

STEP THREE

ACTION/REACTION

The law of movement states that to every action there is a reaction. Nothing can motivate your teens more than to see you in action. If you want them to do something, then you do it first. If you want them to achieve greatness, then achieve it first. Motivate your teens through your action.

ACTION TO PRECIPITATE REACTION

? Do something great. Set a goal to accomplish something that your teen will notice and appreciate about you and want to replicate, not necessarily the same action but a great action of their own.

? Project an attitude of positive optimism that can be rubbed off on your teen. If they see you continually motivated and optimistic and always moving towards a goal or action, chances are that they will want to follow you and they too will become motivated and optimistic. An optimistic person is goal oriented and can always achieve greatness.

? Pursue a worthwhile purpose or goal and inspire them to pursue their own. Motivate them towards a positive and rewarding cause.

? Start something and motivate your teen to start something of their own or to build with you by letting them know that whatever you start will go as a legacy to them should they start something of their own or build on what you’ve started. You’ve often wondered why the children of the rich are more focused, more likely to go to college and more likely to stay out of trouble. Well the answer is they are often motivated by what their parents have started and the legacy they will leave behind. They are inspired by who and what their parents are and want to emulate that. Success begets success. Success emulates success. Model success and our teens will want to model you. Essentially whatever action you want your teen to have a chain reaction from, whether it be charitable, voluntary, upward mobile achievement, educational success, discipline, morals or leadership skills, the essential action to get a chain reaction is to model whatever it is you want your delinquent teen to achieve. So, start something.

STEP FOUR

FLOODING THE HOUSE

What is flooding the house? The principle behind this is that if the house is flooded, then everything within the reach of the waters will be saturated with water. Therefore flood your teen’s mind with tangible evidence of success or with whatever it is you want to use to motivate them to action.

FLOODING STRATEGY

? If financial success is the kind of action you want to motivate your teen to, then flood them with examples of young starters achieving financial success, through reputable means.

? If you want to inspire action where education is concerned, then flood your teen with inexhaustible evidence of the benefit of a sound education. Be creative when you do it.

? If you want to inspire positive social action, then flood them with good examples of successful social action.

? If its morality, then flood with examples of the benefits of taking the moral stance.

? If you want to motivate them to give up drugs and alcohol, then flood them with the benefits of having a healthy mind and body.

? If you want to motivate them to lose weight, then flood them with beautiful examples of the desired weight pattern you wish them to emulate.

? If you want to inspire discipline, then flood them with beneficial examples of maintaining good discipline.

? If you want to goal directed action, then flood them with the benefits of setting and achieving successful goals.

? Whatever action you wish your teen to take, flood them with successful examples of such action previously taken. Just keep flooding them with active examples and show them how they can benefit if they should take similar action. The issue with flooding is that they become saturated and start to look and feel and will eventually act like the examples they’ve been flooded with.

STEP FIVE

MENTORING

An emerging but by no means new paradigm is mentoring. To mentor means to guide and that guide usually translates into influence. If you can mentor your teen or get a leader or positive role model to mentor your team, then you are well on your way to motivating your teen to positive action.

GUIDE TO SUCCESSFUL MENTORING

? The mentor must be an influencer

? The mentor must be a positive role model

? The mentor must be a motivator

? The mentor should be a leader

? The mentor should be a team-player

? The mentor should model successful attitude and behaviour and have a track record of success

? The mentor should be disciplined and trustworthy

? The mentor must be credible

? The mentor should be results oriented

? The mentor should be compassionate yet firm

? The mentor should have connections (whether community or religious based or of a higher hierarchy).

? The mentor should model positive social action

The success of the mentor is highly dependent on his or her ability to positively influence the teen to change, to inspire motivation for change and to interact with and engage the teen in mentoring opportunities. The key factor in this is to establish trust and guard that trust from early in the relationship. It is hard for a teen to trust an adult, especially one that he or she knows is trying to influence him to change, but if the trust factor can be settled form early in the relationship, then most of the mentor’s job would have been done for him.

Another key issue in being able to win the teen over to a higher motivated perspective is to be a friend to the teen while maintaining careful boundaries. If the respect and the trust is there and the boundary lines are clearly understood, then friendship makes the process easier, and the teen becomes more comfortable with any influence to change.

STEP SIX

NETWORKING

We have a saying here in Jamaica that two heads are better than one and that there is strength in numbers. This is even more so when we have delinquent teens on our hands. Networking can be a powerful tool in motivating support for families with delinquent teens as well as support for the delinquent teens themselves.

GUIDE TO NETWORKING

? Networking should be approached first from the perspective of the teen. As parents and guardians you can affect the action of your teens by facilitating troubled teen networking. Have teens in close geographical area with similar issues form support groups where they can voice their own issues and talk about the problems they have, the changes they want to make if any and their difficulty in coping with the expectation of their families, communities and country. Through this they can motivate and encourage each other and can come to a consensus among the group to try for change. They can also form accountability partners that will help them to become accountable with the decisions for change that they have made and any hindrances to pursuing or achieving such.

? Parents, guardians and interest groups can support this networking through facilitation and by pooling resources to hire professionals to work with this group, should they (the parents) find themselves deficient in fulfilling certain roles (not that the parents and guardians will shriek their responsibilities and obligations, but that they will have professional help to enhance what they are already doing).

? Parents, guardians and other interest groups should also network to form a special support group and think tank for and among themselves. Raising teens can be very stressful and trying to motivate the delinquent ones to action is a big job; therefore every opportunity should be pursed that can be beneficial to the process. They key to remember when networking is to offer support and find solutions.

STEP SEVEN

ENVIRONMENT

In a previous book, Motivating Yourself To Success, Health and Wellness, I advanced the view that the environment within which one is accustomed to, can affect to a positive or negative effect, the level of motivation that one feels. I’d like to broaden the concept of environment a bit by not just relegating it to a particular local, but to a state of mind. The environment is essentially where one resides or participates in on a regular basis and this is normally a physical reality that is compounded by many factors.

Environment can affect the level of motivation to the extent that it facilitates a peaceful, comfortable and relaxing atmosphere which is often necessary for motivation. In my previous book, I put forward the idea that if one’s environment did not offer a peaceful, relaxing and comfortable atmosphere within which one can breathe, then the person seeking to motivate himself, should strive to create their own little space where they can retreat to for inspiration. This might be their room, a private spot in the house or even a park for a one hour getaway. This might still not be an option for many persons that are limited by space, mobility or responsibility and selling the idea to a teen to create their own space might not go down well with a teen that is not lent towards independence. The onus is therefore on the parent or guardian to facilitate that environment of a peaceful and motivating atmosphere.

Again where limitations occur at a physical location, the idea of the environment not being just a physical place but a state of the mind is advocated. What I basically mean is that your teen where they cannot find that perfect environment within which to creatively achieve can be encouraged through channelling their themselves, to create that perfect space within their minds. Channelling the mind to be at rest can be a great motivator and dreams that are often accomplished are first envisioned. If your teen can envision the perfect environment within their minds and set it as a future achievable goal then they will often find great peace in their present circumstances. Helping your teen to envision their own little heaven can be achieved through introducing them to books that take them to a world beyond their own that is beautiful and achievable.

STEP EIGHT

FORECASTING

If one can envision it, then there is a possibility that one can have it. It is highly believed that the positive or negative that you speak into a child’s life can become a reality through them living out your expectations. We have a thing in Christianity that is called naming it and claiming it or speaking it into being, and motivationists believe that whatever they believe or profess can become a reality. Science even corroborates that a highly motivated and positive attitude can affect a person’s mental state or physical condition for the better. The idea behind forecasting is a spiritual science.

KEY POINTS

? Whatever it is that you want your teen to achieve, speak it into being.

? Profess to them that they can and will achieve.

? Let them know of the high expectations you have of them.

? Let them know that you believe in them and their abilities. Even if the evidence belies this, speak positively in their lives.

? Tell them good things. Make good predictions about their future. They will often be motivated to achieve the very things you predict.

? Encourage them to dream about the type of life they would like to have in the future, to forecast it. They will often start making plans mentally and otherwise to achieve their life’s goal. Where they lack the initiative, it is your job to guide them as to the steps they should take to fulfil their dreams.

? Let them know that the more positive they are about their future, the more likely they are to succeed in accomplishing their goals.

? The key to motivating a delinquent teen to action is to motivate them by allowing them to see or forecast the positive results or benefits of change or action as opposed to in-action, laziness, indecisiveness, lack of direction and focus.

? If they can’t envision the future, then paint the picture for them and show them a beautiful world where the sky is no limit as to what is achievable and possible and that it can all be theirs if they just try.

? Even if there is no evidence of such according to their present behaviour, paint a picture of success for them should they change their behaviour.

? Let them know that setting and achieving their life’s goal is highly possible and will happen should they take the necessary steps.

STEP NINE

RE-EDUCATION

Re-education is exactly what it suggests, re-educating our challenged teens with the desired information we would like them to have. Some might think that this is impossible as their personalities are already formed and they are already highly influenced by what they have inculcated through the various education media. This is not an impossible task however as our teens are highly impressionable. They can be re-educated with positive values and attitudes.

In choosing to re-educate parents can network to do this or they can change the atmosphere around their living environs.

EXAMPLES

? Change the type of general music that everyone listens to around the house if it is not positive. This can be introduced gently to the family by advocating an investigation of different musical genres to see if they can be influence to change their taste or for discussion at the table. The move to reshape the level of influence of one’s musical tastes can be a contest. It can be proposed that there should be test to see if one will retain or can change or add a new musical liking to their present ones by listening to a set of new positive genre of music.

? Change the type of discussions that you have around the dinner table. Start taking about national and social issues if you never used to do so.

? Ask your teen to read a column in a newspaper discussing an important subject and ask their opinion of it. Do this often.

? Ask their opinions of national issues.

? Buy books that you’d like them to read that are interesting and confront important social, moral or national issues and ask them to give their opinions of it. Let them know that their opinions are valued and appreciated.

? Have discussions at special family or social gatherings and invite the teens of the community or social group to discuss issues that confront them, and have them prepare for such discussions by researching.

STEP TEN

BEFRIENDING THE PEER

The greatest challenge to teen achievement is negative peer pressure, and a big percentage of our teens are highly influenced by their peers, some negatively. Our delinquent teens are often the product of negative peer influence. The parent or guardian that wishes to motivate his teen to action should combat the negative effects of peer pressure by befriending the peer. If you can befriend the peer that is influencing your teen and in turn re-influence that peer, then you can help your teen in a two-fold way. You teen will see you influencing their peer and will often turn to you for some of that positive influence and their friend will also influence them based on your influence on their friends.

KEYS TO DO THIS

? Invite that peer over and get to know him or her. Even if you don’t approve of them, you’ll want to invite them over to first get a picture of the type of person that is influencing your teen.

? You’ll then want to engage them in conversation. Talk to them and question them.

? Be respectful and kind to them.

? Use some of the earlier strategies mentioned like re-educating. Invite them to give input in your family discussions. Ask them to read the same articles you’ve asked your teen to read and let them give their opinion. They will feel included and welcomed and will often responded by taking the time to read whatever it is that you’ve asked them to read. Of course it is taken for granted here that whatever you ask them to read will be wholesome, age appropriate and in no way harmful to them psychologically or otherwise, as your intent is to motivate towards positive change. The case is, even if you introduced the concept of subtly re-educating your teen and they were not receptive; when they see their peer being receptive to your ideas, they will be motivated to participate because they will not want to feel left out. The life of a teen is inclusivism and being a part of the group. If you can befriend the peer and influence them to influence your child then you’d have won back your teen and making progress towards focused goal achievement and success. It is very possible. All you have to do is believe and try. God bless you.

TANGIBLE INCENTIVE PROGRAMS IN SCHOOLS

Successful, positive behaviour is a problem in all of our schools today and educational professionals are struggling to come up with ways to positively impact and motivate our students to right action.

Many strategies have been tried and failed and even where there are incentive programs that tries to reinforce positive behaviour, this often fails because the students are not sufficiently motivated by the tangibility of these programs.

Incentive programs in our schools and homes should be tangible. We live in a materialistic world and unless we are prepared to reward our delinquent students with rewards and incentive that they can touch and appreciate, their behaviour will not change.

You might say to reward on the basis of materialism is to encourage the behaviour. The reality of our post-modern era however, is that persons react and achieve on the basis of what they can see and touch, and on the basis of value. It is hoped that they will overtime learn responsible behaviour. What will be gained from a tangible incentive behaviour program is the fact that positive behaviour pays.

TANGIBLE INCENTIVE PROGRAMS THAT CAN MODELED

One particular school have a demerit system whereby students can earn demerits for positive or negative behaviour, poor or excellent attitude towards work and school. This program works for the minority who are easily scared but failed for those who are less responsible and are highly agitated and adventurous. The long-term effect of the program to some extent does not benefit the students who are more likely to be disruptive. These students are constantly getting demerits and will eventually lose any privileges for the rest of their school life; as a result they fail to phased or care about getting a demerit. An improvement of this system is suggested below.

? The system of rewards can be administered individually by a teacher or at the management level by school administrators. It is suggested that one or more of the following systems be adopted.

1. Students can be placed in groups with group leaders chosen. Each group can be assigned certain merits or currency (make believe money) per week. Based on the amount of merits or currency earned or deducted, students will be given rewards.

2. Currency or Merits can be banked, meaning that for currency or merits that were not used for one weak can be carried forward to the other week.

3. Currency or Merits should be awarded for excellent work, good behaviour or for any other necessary details that the institution requires. Examples of types of rewards that can be given are listed below.

• On a class level, each class can operate an incentive closet or goodies basket from which to reward each member of a group that had positive behaviour or work for the previous week. Things to include in the basket are: Typed class notes, Class Notes on CD-ROMS, Floppy Disks with class notes, Burned music CDs and movie DVDs with appropriate content (The School could subscribe to an online website where music and movies can be downloaded, they could easily burn these and give them to the students – copyright would not be a problem as they would not be sold). Note Books, Pens, Pencils, Floppy Disks, Blank disks or any other incentive or rewards deemed necessary for the class level.

• On a class level, the group with the highest level of currency or merits per week would get to listen to their favourite music or music video at the start of the class. (Each class could be equipped with a radio and a TV/VIDEO/DVD)

• At the Institutional Level – An incentive shop should be operated where students can purchase things at the end of the month with their currency that they have not used at the class level or that which may have gained as extras. The shop would sell things like (with make the believe currency that the student have) New DVD movies, New Music CDs and Videos, New Games, IPods and all the little electronic gadgets that kids go crazy about and or other rewards.

• At the Institutional level also – the entire class or grade or school if discipline and good work can be maintained for a certain period of time – example one month – can get to watch a live movie at the school. A multimedia projector system could be set up where large groups can watch the movie or stage show.

• At the institutional level – a bi-monthly or quarterly concert could be held at the school if good behaviour and excellent work can be achieved for that particular period of one month or three months.

• An all expense paid class trip or school trip could be planned for the class with the highest level of merits or currency for a particular period of time.

CONCLUSION

The heart of any system or methodology to motivate teens that is delinquent or non-participatory is has to be focused, interactive and duplicable. The ten steps advanced in this book are decisive and should bring about successful results for those who embrace its concepts responsibly and seek to duplicate it. Our delinquent teens need to be motivated to action and this motivation is most effective if the caregivers are the ones to inspire the motivation in their youths. Be creative, responsible, enthusiastic and understanding as you seek to motivate your teen to optimal levels of achievement.

Have a successful, motivational teen challenge!