Goal Setting for Teens

Look throughout the world at those who have achieved the most in life. People like Bill Gates, Donald Trump, Warren Buffett. These are the people who have stretched their imaginations to unforeseen levels. They have dreamt at levels we have never imagined.  Their visions for what was possible was so far beyond anything any ordinary person would envision. Many people believe they have gotten lucky. The reality however, is that its that simple skill, of dreaming big, that has guided them to their success, fame, and fortunes.

You see, no one in this world has ever created or accomplished anything without first seeing it in their mind. The greatest achievers in human history have been those with the biggest and boldest goals and dreams. Life as we know it wouldn’t be what it is today without those individuals. But you too can be one of those people who shape the destiny of the world. Through your dreams, goals, and desires you have the power to create something just as extraordinary as the great leaders listed above. Through your dream, through your imagination, your mission and vision will come as soon as you release your perceived limitations, and allow your heart to drive your mind to your dreams.

Imagine what it will be like, when you look back on your accomplishments; when you have the opportunity to turn to all those who told you that you could not accomplish your dream. What will it feel like to turn to those people and smile, as without saying anything more, they know by that twinkle in your eye, you accomplished all you set out to achieve.

True leadership originates in a dream. A vision that calls you to action, that puts you in your unstoppable state of defying every odd that’s against you. The greatest leaders know only the standards set by their dreams of what is truly possible, and the best time to start dreaming big is now. No matter where you are in your life, it is never to early or late to broaden your vision of what’s possible.

Big dreams are where it all starts, from your earliest dreams of becoming an astronaut or baseball player, to your dreams of owning your own business, writing a book, or owning your dream car or home, if you do not dream of it first, you will never actualize it into your life.

The word Gang causes a great deal of controversy and fear every time it is uttered. There is a great deal of myth and misconception about just what is a gang, how they recruit/operate and the danger they pose to our society, our families and children. Working with gang members for a great number of years, I’ve watched as they have become more sophisticated and violent as time has passed. What was once given short shrift or ignored as an anomaly is now recognized as an incredibly complex problem, not only for law enforcement but for our society as a whole. This article is a good starting point for parents and youth who want to see the truth about what gangs are, and are not.

When we hear the term “Gang” it conjures images of drugs, bullet ridden bodies, money and fear. The reality is; gangs are not new. In fact there is documented evidence of gang related activity going back as far as 1400-1500 AD. What is changing is the increased communications and cooperation on joint criminal ventures between gangs that would traditionally be at war or in competition for the same drug territory. Expertise and even technology are shared in an attempt to evade law enforcement and increase the bottom line. If it’s beginning to make gangs sound more than just a little like a business, it’s because they are. The only difference is that their products are crime, fear and death. 

When you take a close look at how many gangs operate, patterns begin to emerge. Gangs want the same thing as any corporation. They want to grow and expand in their territory/target niche. Profit is the bottom line and ruthless business tactics are often employed in the name of gaining a competitive edge. To further the corporate analogy, gangs also use brand recognition and targeted advertising to reach their target demographic. Every gang member I’ve ever known describes himself as a “businessman”.

We won’t be discussing the different types of gangs in this article. That’s a whole separate discussion and best left for another time. Nor will we examine the complex social problems that allow gangs to flourish. These issues are far too large to explore in one article and are best digested in small doses.  Instead in this article we will examine some risk factors for young people being targeted for recruitment or victimization by gang members and the some of the myths and misconceptions that abound with this topic in general.

Young people become involved in gangs for a lot of different reasons; a sense of belonging, family/friends involved in gang lifestyle, money, protection, etc. The point is; everyone is potentially vulnerable to or affected by gangs on some level. As parents we need to recognize the potential warning signs of attempted recruitment and acknowledge that while we can’t reduce all of the risk factors in our children’s lives, but we can give them enough resiliencies to deal with the problems when/if the time comes.

Parents always ask how they will know if their children are becoming involved with gangs. You will notice changes in their behavior and interactions with family, authority and society in general. Some of the changes that parents would notice immediately would include;

I think it’s important to note that these indicators are not definitive. I know a lot of teens who display several of these identifiers and are no more affiliated to criminal gang activity than I am. What these warning flags should do however is alert parents/teachers and anyone working with youth that there is a potential for recruitment/association if early intervention does not occur. There are other risk factors that cannot be controlled such as;

For every risk there are also resiliency factors. Resiliency is the product of a set of influences and circumstances that would pre-dispose youth away from negative lifestyle choices. Strong family ties, involvement in organized activities and strong adult role models and community involvement can go a long way to helping young people keep from becoming involved in gangs and other negative activities. It’s important for parents to realize that in many ways they are the ones on the front lines in the war on gang/criminal activity.

There are a great number of myths and misconceptions around gang culture. Some of them are loosely based in reality, but utilized by gangs to increase recruitment and perpetuate the fear/respect and “silence through intimidation” they need to operate. One of the biggest myths is;

Gangs will protect me from my enemies. The facts would indicate otherwise. It is physically impossible for any gang to protect their members 24/7. The United States Secret Service spends billions of dollars and has tens of thousands of agents to protect a very small number of individuals. Gangs, no matter how much money they are making from the sales of drugs and other criminal acts have neither the financial resources, the training, nor will to protect a lowly foot soldier on the street. Replacing them when they are killed or incarcerated is easy. Finding and training a new foot soldier is a much more cost effective business decision than paying lawyers. Secondly your risk of death increases dramatically when compared with actuarial tables of youth not involved in gangs. A police officer well known for his expertise in these matters summed it up beautifully. He said;

“The moment you join a gang, you automatically gain one hundred new enemies you never even knew you had.”

Gangs also rule by fear and intimidation of their own members. This means that in addition to the risk of being kidnapped, assaulted or killed by rival gangs; gang members often face the same risks from their own group.

Joining a gang will give me respect. This is one of the most common misconceptions in gang culture. When gangs talk about respect what they really mean is fear;

“Respect is earned and always there. Fear is generally present only when the object of the fear is nearby. Fear often coincides with hate. It is the power of illusion.”

We need to understand and convey to our young people that they are not the same things. Gangs must rule by fear in order to maintain their control over a very competitive drug market and other crime related activity. If their enemies don’t respect/fear them, then their drug markets will be taken over and their runners “jacked” and assaulted. If their members don’t respect/fear them, then they could potentially rip off the gang by running independent operations and skimming profits. Let’s face it; one of the best ways to control a violent criminal is to be a bigger and more violent criminal yourself. 

Gang members are my friends. Over the years I’ve come to know a lot of young people involved in gangs. Many of them had friends and family involved in the gang lifestyle. Unfortunately many of them are also dead, or know a lot of other young people who are. Although there is the perceived loyalty to the gang and its members it is always interesting to note that the loyalty only goes one way. An average gang member who is working as a runner/soldier for any gang is not making a lot of money. Don’t let all of the cash you see them being arrested with confuse you. That money is the proceeds of crime and the property of the gang’s hierarchy. Foot soldiers no more get to keep the proceeds of their criminal activities than the salesman at car dealership gets to keep the money for the sale of a new BMW. In fact those arrested are likely on the hook and fined by the gang for the loss of the drugs and money. Gang members are paid a salary like any other employee; they just get the added privilege of needing to wear body armor to work and going to jail and/or being shot at as a condition of their employment. Secondly if gangs are so loyal to their members, how come they never seem to use any of the millions that they are making on drug sales to get incarcerated members the best lawyers possible?

I will be at the top someday. Realistically there is next to no possibility of this happening. An average foot soldier would likely have no opportunity to become the leader of a large gang. In order for this to happen it would involve surviving; the street, jail, internal dissent, rival gangs, etc. Then potential leader would actually require some business acumen and organizational talent, because as mentioned previously gangs are in the business of making money period. They are just involved in a huge array of criminal offences and operations to fulfill this goal. The facts are that sometimes gangs are controlled by larger criminal organizations much as a subsidiary company would be controlled by a large corporation. They have the ability to engage in independent action, but the overall organizational vision is determined by the more powerful entity (Organized Crime).

I can’t get out now that I’m in. Not all gang members are created equal. Don’t get me wrong, gangs are a huge problem and need to be dealt with. We can’t treat every gang member like they are the head of a Triad and spend inordinate amounts of money protecting society from them after they have caused untold damage to people’s lives. It is counterproductive, costly and mostly ineffective. Most gang members are not members of the leadership or upper management whose knowledge of the groups operations and intelligence would make them a liability to the gang should they attempt to leave. Most gang members are foot soldiers who are involved in the day to day operation of a small part of the organization as a whole and likely not in possession of any knowledge that could seriously damage the gang’s leadership or operations. Many times gang members simply walk away with no repercussions whatsoever.

In other articles we will explore the world of gangs and gang culture and look at topics such as;

In the meantime, take the initiative to find out what resources are available in your community and avail yourself of their time and experience in educating yourself on this issue. Believe it or not what you don’t know can hurt you. There is a lot of excellent free literature available online to give you an overview of general information on this subject. Talk to you children about the dangers of gangs and know their friends. Know who/where they are hanging out and any potentially dangerous areas to avoid. Educate yourself and your children on Personal Safety and basic Self Defense and teach them how to reduce as much risk in their lives as possible. The best you can do is provide them with as much Resiliency as possible and hope that it can outweigh the risk.

Kerry Sauve

StreetSense Safety and Security Inc

http://www.streetsensesafety.ca

For many parents, the experience of raising children can easily turn from an idealized dream of Halloween costumes, lunch boxes, first dates and prom pictures into a battlefield of miscommunication and misunderstanding that leaves both teenagers and parents emotionally scarred.

In this type of environment, each attempt by parents to connect with their teen is like walking through a minefield. Every step carries the potential of detonating an explosion of conflict and aggression. The result of this type of family dynamic is often a numbing exhaustion that permeates every aspect of family and personal life.

A sense of hopelessness is common when a gulf in communication exists between parents and teenagers. A belief, steeped in resentment, that things will never be any different can keep families from seeing ways that respect and understanding can be restored.

With the right tools, applicable knowledge and commitment, parents can shift their relationships with their adolescent children from adversarial to respectful. By creating a space where parents and teens can hear each other in an open accepting environment the entire family can come together, reconnect and grow.

One of the best ways to start is by looking at the world that kids are living in. As much as one might sometimes question their choices, kids are the experts on their world. They have a common language that they share with friends, a set of intense likes and dislikes, and a way of looking at the world that is unique to themselves. The goal for parents is to approach that world with respect and learn to understand how things can affect a teenager in both positive and negative ways.

It can be difficult to set aside the time and energy to be present with children, especially with all of the expectations placed on parents to live up to our culture’s image of success. It is more than common these days to find both parents working as a means to sustain financial stability.

This same pressure to achieve affects teens as well when they perceive that acceptance and success comes from external achievement. The pressure to wear the right clothes, have the newest electronics, perform well in school, and be popular is very real to teenagers.

Having a safe haven within the family to decompress from these pressures is vital way for kids to maintain a strong sense of themselves while strengthening the family as a whole. Parents can encourage their kids to build on the strengths of their uniqueness showing them that they recognize the pressure they face to fit in.

As parents, it is also important to recognize when these pressures may be too big for your teen to handle on their own.  This is a time to find a qualified therapist who specializes in working with teens to assist them in dealing with the challenges they are facing.

As parents make space for the unique aspects of their teens to develop both adolescents and adults can create a place of mutual understanding.  By releasing judgment, misunderstanding, and expectation individuality can blossom and a healthy relationship can grow.

Learn More About Teens and Therapy at www.JohnSovec.com